30 Ways to Annoy Darren Shan Characters
by S.L. Gibbs
Summary: Previously 30 Ways to Annoy Evra Von. Is there a character in the Saga that you want to throw off of a tall building? Or a character you love, but just want to annoy? Well, here's 30 different ways to do it! But be warned, they may try to kill you.
1. Evra Von

Here are 30 ways to annoy our beloved snake-boy, Evra Von. But be warned, if you try some of these, Evra may not like it at all. He may feed you to his snake, or he may sell you to Steve. So don't blame me if he gets mad.

1. Every time he introduces himself, say "Evra Von what?"

2. Constantly remind him of when Shancus died.

3. Tell everyone that he's dating his snake.

4. Convince Urcha he's adopted.

5. Tease Urcha about him not having any scales.

6. Rip off one of his scales.

7. Start a rumour that he and Darren "did stuff" while they were sharing a tent.

8. Force him to read Darren x Evra fanfics.

9. Remind him of how his parents dumped him and how he grew up in a sideshow.

10. Tell him that Merla is cheating on him with Steve.

11. Paint your face green and tell him Steve just killed your son.

12. Step on his snake.

13. Constantly ask him why he has green skin and scales.

14. Every time he gets near you start screaming.

15. Hug him suggestively in front of Merla.

16. Ask him if he eats mice.

17. Tell everyone that he's cheating on Merla with Darren.

18. Give him a present on Valentine's Day and say it was from Steve.

19. Sell his kids to the vampaneze.

20. Hide his snake.

21. Handcuff him to Steve and "lose" the key.

22. Put his snake down his pants while he's sleeping.

23. Take all his clothes and only leave him with pink dresses.

24. Tell his kids that he's a male prostitute.

25. While he and Darren are sleeping, push them close together and put Evra's arms around Darren. Take pictures of them and post them on Facebook.

26. Write multiple fanfics about him doing it with different characters in the Saga. Force him to read them.

27. Feed Madam Octa to his snake and blame him.

28. Get Darius to ask him to adopt him.

29. Take him on a surprise holiday to where Shancus was killed.

30. Come out of his tent saying, "Evra, you're such an animal! I wonder if your wife knows what you get up to…"


	2. RV

**Before I begin, I would like to apologize to **_Blood Rose Vampiress _**for totally ripping off her idea. This was orginally just meant to be about how to annoy Evra, but then I got requests to do other characters and I thought I might aswell cuz it'd be fun. So this idea was orginally from **_Blood Rose Vampiress. _

**Also, this chapter is for **_Ozuma thy Awesome _**cuz I know how much he hates RV XD**

* * *

><p>1. Remind him of how he got his arms chopped off.<p>

2. Whenever he introduces himself as RV, tell everyone it stands for Reggie Veggie before he can say Righteous Vampaneze.

3. Pull his hooks off.

4. Lock him in the Wolf Man's cage.

5. Knock his contact lenses out and wipe the paint of his face.

6. Tease him about not having any hands.

7. Throw him a party and invite Darren and the Wolf Man.

8. Blame him for Shancus' death.

9. Constantly ask him why he's no longer an eco-warrior.

10. Tell the vampires what Steve's planning and blame him.

11. Call him "Hooky".

12. Whenever he talks about how he's going to pay back Darren start screaming about how the world would be a better place if we all just got along.

13. Tell him that there was some mistake and he's actually a half-vampire, not a half-vampaneze.

14. Put makeup on him while he's sleeping.

15. Start a rumour that he's in a relationship with Steve.

16. Tell Steve that he's in league with the vampires.

17. Sell him to the vampires as a hostage.

18. Lock him in Vampire Mountain.

19. Get Mr. Tiny to tell him that his destiny is to become Darren's whore.

20. Sleep next to him in the tunnels and talk about Darren all night.

21. Chop his feet off too.

22. Dye his hair pink.

23. Take all Steve's underwear and blame him.

24. Force him to read about how he got his hands chopped off over and over again.

25. Rub it in his face that there are no fics about him on FF.

26. Write a fic about him doing it with Darren, then getting his hands chopped off. Force him to read it.

27. Sing hymns and Disney songs 24-7 at the top of your voice when you're with him.

28. Tell the police that he's the one who's responsible for the killings.

29. Tell all the Sam fans where he lives.

30. Buy him a drink and put vampire blood in it.


	3. Steve Leonard

**Just cuz y'all said I wouldn't do it, here are 30 ways to annoy *cough* my husband *cough* Steve Leonard.**

1. Call him Stevey-poo.

2. Force him to read Darren x Steve fanfics.

3. Tell the Mr. Crepsley fangirls where he lives.

4. Lock him in a room with me!

5. Constantly ask him why he became a vampire hunter.

6. Remind him of how Darren "betrayed" him.

7. Tell the vampires where he's hiding.

8. Tell the vampires he's the Lord of the Vampaneze.

9. Lock him in Vampire Mountain.

10. When he screams at you to let him out, say not unless he uses the magic word.

11. When he finally says please, tell him the magic word is "Abracadabra."

12. When he says abracadabra, giggle and ask him why on earth did he say that?

13. Ask him if he dyed his hair grey, or is he just old?

14. Tell Darius the truth about vampires and vampaneze.

15. Dry hump him and say it was from Darren.

16. Whenever he talks about getting revenge on Darren, bat your eyelashes and say, "You sure like to talk about Darren."

17. Remind him of how he never had a father.

18. Tell him that there's a whole army of vampires standing behind him.

19. When he refuses to look, signal for the 20 vampires you invited over to attack.

20. Tell him that Mr. Tiny sent you to tell him that he got it all mixed up and he's actually supposed to the Lord of the Vampires, not the vampaneze.

21. Come by the Lake of Souls just to mock him.

22. Just as he's about to kill Darren, tell him you've got to pee and you need him to come with you.

23. When he refuses, roll your eyes and say everything will still be here when he gets back.

24. Put on a grey wig and tell him your best friend just stole your dream to become a vampire.

25. When he's about to go out looking for Darren, stop him and start acting like a mom e.g. brushing his hair and complaining about the stains on his clothes.

26. Tell him his blood tastes of evil.

27. Whenever he starts talking about killing, scream at him about how the world would be a better place if people weren't so violent. Then take his hand and start singing "Kumbaya".

28. When he's about to go out and look for Darren, take all his weapons without him noticing.

29. Throw Madam Octa at him.

30. When she bites him, "accidentally" pour all the antidote down the drain.


	4. Larten Crepsley

**This chapter for is **_Queen NekoChan. _**Enjoy :D**

1. Remind him of how he got his scar.

2. Tell him that Darren and Steve started mating after his died.

3. Ask him if he's a vampire, why doesn't he sparkle?

4. Ask him a load of other dumb vampire questions like if he can turn into a bat.

5. Steal his spider.

6. Tell him your friend was bitten by a poisonous spider and you need him to give you the antidote.

7. After he's been killed by Steve, tell him that there was a mistake and he's not actually supposed to be a hunter.

8. Rub it in his face that he died for no reason.

9. Dye all his red clothes pink.

10. Spread rumours that he and Darren are mating.

11. Kill Arra.

12. Make him share a coffin with Gavner again.

13. Send all the vampaneze to his home town.

14. Kidnap Darren and ask for a ransom.

15. Constantly ask him why he isn't a general anymore.

16. Get mad at him for not becoming a vampire prince.

17. Give Darren coffee when they're about to go out hunting.

18. Tell Darren that Mr. Crepsley is in love with him.

19. Start a rumour that he shares a coffin with Darren.

20. Tell Steve where he lives.

21. Call him a paedophile for blooding Darren. (**A/N **He's pedobear!)

22. Step on Madam Octa.

23. Make fun of the fact that he's illiterate.

24. Paint a scar on your face and put on an orange wig on and say that you just blooded a child.

25. Set a bunch of fangirls on him.

26. Put vampaneze blood in his drink.

27. Buy him a Steve plush for his birthday. (**A/N **It's my birthday soon. Hint, hint)

28. Lock him in a room with Steve and force the two of them to make up.

29. Put make up on his face while he's sleeping.

30. Put Steve next to him while he's sleeping.


End file.
